9 Ways to Feel True Joy & Decrease Stress: A Practical Guide

YES - even in the Luteal Phase.

You know those moments where you figure something out and you just want to shout it to everyone so everyone can feel how as good as you do? That’s why I am writing this right now.

For those of you who don’t know, I am a homeschool mama of four (two boys and two girls aged between 2 and 7 currently) who lives near zero family members and has a husband with a great job which allows me the privilege of homeschooling and being with my kids, but he does work a lot so I am often on my own with the kids.

I am in awe as I write this smack in the middle of my luteal phase! No joke, I used to not like myself on ovulation day and day 19 of my cycle. I know that is specific, but it was a pattern I noticed for years. After my third baby was born, I really struggled with my hormones By making MANY changes in my life, I noticed a shift in the right direction. And today as I write this I feel completely joyful no matter what part of my cycle I am in. I used to plan my life around it more (shout out to cycle syncing — a great tool when I needed it). I am SO happy and full of gratitude and my kids aren’t driving me nuts so IT IS POSSIBLE even when in luteal phase.

I wrote an article about becoming a more chill mom when I first started my Substack and I am kinda laughing about it now; although what I wrote was true to me at the time, I feel as I have become even more chill the last few months. Motherhood doesn’t have to be overwhelming, stressful, or hard all the time. There are a few small shifts you can make that have really helped me.

1. Stop caring so much about controlling everything. I have been saying yes so much more often and my kids have been so much happier. My house is their house, too. I welcome the mess now. If it means my kids are playing imaginatively and nicely with one another, then I am all for it. We literally have Fort Monday on our weekly stay-at-home day and they leave it up all day.

2. Don’t be so rigid with your schedule. We used to start homeschool at 7:30ish after breakfast and now we don’t start until 9:00 or 9:30. The kids have a chance to play. I have a chance to get a couple things done and enjoy a hot cup of coffee. Also, sometimes we take a huge break in the middle of our homeschooling and pick back up later and that is all good.

3. Allow yourself time to just be at home. As a homeschool family, we have more control over our schedule, but if you aren’t careful you can still overload it. We have one day a week that we intentionally do not make plans. Sometimes we stay home and in pajamas all day. Other days, we will impromptu head to a playground if the weather is gorgeous. By having a day at home, it allows me to do a lot of laundry, iron my husband’s work shirts, or whatever other tasks I need to tend to. My kids absolutely love stay-at-home-days and they are a must have in our homeschool rhythm.

4. Understand that kids playing and getting messy is a joy of childhood and you should allow it and be prepared for it. My back door is close to my bedroom, so when my kids want to play in the mud or the dirt, I will ask them to grab clean clothes for after they come in. They shower off quick when they come in and it is all good. Let them jump in the puddles, play in the mud, get all sandy, drive construction vehicles in the gravel. Whatever they are doing will probably keep them busy and happy. Play is one of the best ways for kids to learn truly.

5. Look around you and find the simple joys. I started a gratitude jar (Inspired by Andrea Hoffmann’s post on hers.) I am constantly looking around and appreciating all of it. As my oldest approaches 8 (which seems wild to me that I have been a mom that long), I am aware of how fast it goes so I am trying my best to soak it in and not take any of this for granted.

6. Pray and praise. I love making sure to pray to God, but also give all the praise to God for all that He has done to bring me to where I am right now. Like thank you SO much God for not letting me get back together with any guy I ever dated before my husband or for not letting me get a teaching job where I thought I wanted to live.

7. Do something FOR YOU that fills your cup outside of mothering (and for me, homeschooling). I have been working really hard to find a literary agent so I can try to publish my children’s books. If you are a literary agent looking for picture books with a faith-based theme, send me a message! I have gotten a lot of rejections so far, but all it takes is one! It lights me up and I am so proud of myself for pursuing a dream of my own. The Dream (From Substack to God’s ears): To become a famous author so my husband can quit his job and we can road-school whenever I am going to book signings lol). I don’t know if that is in God’s plan for me, but in the meantime I have been finding it incredibly satisfying to pursue this goal.

8. Love the skin you are in. I am turning 40 in 20 days!!! I am the happiest and feel the most like ME I have ever felt and I am loving it. I am embracing my gray hairs and the wrinkles around my eyes that show how much I have smiled the last 39 years! I am not as skinny as I once was, but I am the healthiest both mentally, spiritually, and physically based on what I choose to put into my body these days.

9. And last, but the most important one is: surround yourself with people who help you be more like Christ. For me, that has been co-leading a women’s group through my church, serving in kids ministry every other Sunday, reading my Bible, spending more time with other Jesus followers, and having a close relationship with God. I pray every single day and talk to God often. I do it in front of my kids too so they see that talking to God is a way to deal with hard days or moments. I was far from God years ago, and I am just in awe of where he has lead me. Marrying my husband was life-changing and I am eternally grateful for God’s provision.

All of these simple shifts have made me a happier and quite frankly a better mom. Nothing is really that serious. The messes will get cleaned up. The dirt-covered children will get showered. All that matters is we are together and making the moments count each and every day. The gift of time with the ones we love is God’s greatest gift to us all.

Have a Happy Easter to all who celebrate. He is Risen! He is Risen indeed!

Tara